southern california's power surge

editor's note : the number following a player's name indicates the ranking of said prospect within the organization according to baseball america.

new york yankees receive : of xavier nady and p damaso marte
pittsburgh pirates receive : of jose tabata [#3], p jeff karstens, p ross ohlendorf [#9] and p dan mccutchen

analysis : by trading for xavier nady and damaso marte, the yankees actually make a sensible move, instead of their usual one based on name power. nady will help an aging and injured outfield, while marte will solidify their bullpen as their main set-up man. by trading away nady and marte, the pirates, at first glance, look like they got fleeced yet again. but by getting two of the yankees better prospects and a fourth or fifth starter in karstens [in addition to another prospect in mccutcheon] did well in helping a rebuilding process stay on course for their goal to be over .500 by 2018.

the grades : new york [a-] | pittsburgh [b]

milwaukee brewers receive : 2b ray durham
san francisco giants receive : p steve hammond and of darren ford

analysis : i'm not sure how much of a difference maker ray durham will be for the milwaukee brewers for rest of the season, except that it will push rickie weeks to play better. with that being said, the brewers didn't trade away much to get him. the giants received two players who are not ready to make an impact at the major league level yet, but like most teams out of contention, they don't need an aging player in a contract year.

the grades : milwaukee [c] | san francisco [c]

los angeles dodgers receive : 3b casey blake
cleveland indians receive : p jon meloan [#8] and c carlos santana

analysis : the dodgers have found a veteran third baseman to take over a position that has been a hole all season long, although casey blake isn't anything close to a long term solution [or even a short term solution]. but he will bring stability and experience to a position that has lacked both this season. with their playoff hopes all but gone, the indians decided to expedite the rebuilding process for the future. by trading blake, they received a notable prospect and a young catcher who will need time to develop.

the grades : los angeles [b] | cleveland [b]

anaheim angels receive : 1b mark teixeira
atlanta braves receive : 1b casey kotchman and p steven marek [#6]

analysis : the anaheim angels addressed what many considered the one thing that they needed, which was one more good hitter. by getting/renting mark teixeira, not only have they addressed that need, they exceeded it. teixeira will give vladimir guerrero the protection that he has been lacking [or vice versa], thus strengthening an angels lineup that seems to rely too much on small ball [although their record would suggest otherwise]. on the other side of the trade, the braves were able to get an everyday player in casey kotchman, who peter gammons ridiculously says is just as good as teixeira, and a decent pitching prospect for a player who was probably going to leave as a free agent [most likely to baltimore].

the grades : anaheim [a+] | atlanta [b-]

new york yankees receive : c ivan rodriguez
detroit tigers receive : p kyle farnsworth

analysis : i have no idea what the tigers were thinking. yes, they needed relief pitching to bolster a bullpen that has either been ineffective or oft-injured, or both. but is kyle farnsworth that much of an improvement? history says no. on the other hand, the yankees were able to get a considerable upgrade at the catcher position. although ivan rodriguez is in the twilight of his career and no longer the player he once was, he can still make a considerable difference during the yankees' playoff push. furthermore, the loss of farnsworth is barely a factor since the acquisition of damaso marte made him expendable.

the grades : new york [b+] | tigers [c-]

chicago white sox receive : of ken griffey jr
cincinnati reds receive : inf danny richar and p nick masset

analysis: i'm not sure as to why the white sox would want to add ken griffey jr to a crowded outfield, except that gm ken williams is still trying to figure a way to win the 1997 world series. instead, they should have traded for either starting or relief pitching. true, the white sox didn't give up much, but it could've been towards one of those needs. as for the reds, they clear ken griffey's contract and aging body from the team as well as add more pieces to the rebuilding process.

the grades : chicago [c+] | cincinnati [b-]

florida marlins receive : p arthur rhodes
seattle mariners receive : p gaby hernandez [#5]

analysis : left handed relievers are always a valuable commodity, as this trade proves. the marlins traded a promising pitching prospect for a journeyman reliever. are the marlins getting equal value based on talent and/or potential? probably not, yet it was a move they felt that they had to make. meanwhile, the mariners received a player who could be far more valuable than arthur rhodes was to the team.

the grades : florida [b] | mariners [b+]

los angeles dodgers receive : of manny ramirez
boston red sox receive : of jason bay
pittsburgh pirates receive : 3b andy laroche [#2], p bryan morris, of brandon moss and p craig hansen

analysis : in getting manny ramirez, the dodgers may have had the steal of the trading deadline, with many thanks to peter gammons' fury. all they gave up to receive one of this generation's greatest hitters in manny ramirez was two prospects in andy laroche, who so far has disappointed in his chances at third base, and bryan morris, a low-a ball pitcher. not only that, the dodgers don't have to pay any of manny's remaining salary. they have finally found a legitimate bat in a lineup that is bottom third of the major leagues in almost all offensive categories. does this mean the dodgers will win the nl west? not necessarily, but it does improve their chances significantly. in exchange for manny AND two prospects, the red sox received jason bay, and as mentioned above, will be paying the rest of manny's salary this season. clearly switching manny ramirez for jason bay straight-up is a downgrade from a strictly numbers perspective, yet the red sox were the ones who gave more to get the deal done. despite manny's recent behavior, it's still a curious decision. though on the bright side the red sox will be able to keep bay until 2009 at a third of the cost and bay will be able to replace most of manny's numbers. they were also able to keep jason bay away from the tampa bay devil¹ rays. [the rays didn't get bay because they supposedly weren't willing to pay the high price and thought that rocco baldelli² would essentially be their mid-season pick-up.] and finally, the pirates were able to turn jason bay into four prospects, which is a fairly good haul. though andy laroche couldn't win the starting third base job in los angeles, he is still young and has potential in future years. also, the pairing of the laroche brothers in pittsburgh will bring a good amount of entertainment. i can already imagine the laroche brothers cruising the pittsburgh nightlife hitting on teenagers with a bottle of pabst in one hand and a pierogi in the other. [with the laroche brothers reunion and manny ramirez hitting hollywood clubs with rafael furcal and andruw jones, this trade, no matter how it turns out, will go down in baseball history as greatest ever in terms of unintentional comedy.] along with andy laroche, the pirates received a serviceable outfielder in brandon moss and a potential closer in craig hansen. it seems as though the pirates are finally getting the idea of how to rebuild a franchise by harvesting prospects. now all they have to do is trade jack wilson once and for all.

the grades : los angeles [a+] | boston [b] | pittsburgh [b+]

¹ satanic worship no longer available
² speaking of rocco baldelli, with his latest injury simply being fatigue, is he aging faster than he should be? i seriously wonder if he has the same disease that afflicted robin williams in the movie jack.

don't ever underestimate the heart of the desperate

with the sacramento kings trading ron artest to the houston rockets for bobby jackson, donte greene and a 2009 first round draft pick, the western conference becomes more crowded at the top. the acquisition of artest definitely makes the rockets legitimate contenders to do more in the playoffs than lose in the first round. while ron artest deserves the reputation that he has, he is much more complex than a crazy person. for example, a fair amount of his salary has gone to friends and charity, to the point that he filed for bankruptcy. [i'm not sure if that's more foolish or generous.] and in 2006, he promised to donate his upcoming season salary if the kings resigned bonzi wells and rick adelman.

with that being said, artest is prone to make dumb and/or silly decisions on and off the court. infamously he was involved the palace brawl,¹ which took his reputation from an intense and arguably dirty player to an insane person. even right before the brawl, he showed his immaturity by asking to take a month off during the season because he was tired from promoting allure, a group on his music label. in addition to that, in the final minutes of game six of the eastern conference finals, he committed a crucial flagrant foul in retaliation, a game that the pacers lost by four and ultimately ended their season. and last, but not least, during his rookie season, artest applied for a job at circuit city so that he could get the employee discount.

so why would any team want ron artest? because the houston rockets cannot afford to not take that risk when they have six first round exits in their last six trips to the playoffs, with yao and mcgrady being a part of four of those teams. artest will bring toughness and swagger that has been missing in the rockets during the yao ming/tracy mcgrady era. artest's intensity has been illustrated throughout his career, and it has been both a strength and a weakness, with his winning defensive player of the year as an example of its positive and the palace brawl as an example of its negative. [another instance of his volatile nature would be the time when he broke two of michael jordan's ribs in a pickup basketball game after jordan was trash-talking about how poor artest was.] along with his physicality, he creates match-up problems on offense, where he will be able to take some of scoring load from yao and mcgrady as well as help space the floor. so as long artest can behave and mature as a player and a person, the rockets will be on the same level as the western conference elite, especially since they didn't sacrifice much in order to get him. other than an artest implosion and injuries [which are both serious concerns], the only way i can see this trade failing for the rockets is if they re-institute their hideous jerseys from the mid-to-late 90's.

¹ i will say that if not for the brawl, we would not have been able to witness jermaine o'neal punching some guy right in the face, a moment that will go down as one of the greatest to ever happened on a basketball court.

cover me badd

i've always thought that most music from the eighties can be remade into better songs today. [one instance would be no doubt's cover of the talk talk song, 'it's my life.'] the caveat to this theory is the band covering the song actually needs to have comparable or exceeding talent. one glaring example would be the used/my chemical romance cover of the queen/david bowie classic, 'under pressure.' i can't stress enough that neither of the bands covering the song have nowhere near the muscial talent of queen and/or david bowie. not surprisingly, it's one of the worst covers ever. anyway, a cover of michael jackson's 'beat it' by fall out boy featuring john mayer is one of the latest cases that, needless to say, falls well short of the original.



i'm sure fall out boy and john mayer thought it would be 'awesome' to cover this song, but i don't know what made them think that their interpretation could compete with michael jackson's version on a vocal level. furthermore, in the jackson version, eddie van halen plays the solo in the song; in the fall out boy adaptation, john mayer plays the solo. while i do think that john mayer is a better guitar player than he has shown in his songs, he's not on the same level as eddie van halen. the only reason why i think fall out boy released this cover is that they know that most of their fans are too young to know that this is even a cover song, which really is a shame.

separated at birth?

edward nygma, better known as the riddler or e. nygma, doesn't like to publicize that he and scott rolen are indeed related. in fact, he is downright embarrassed. 'riddle me this,' nygma begins, 'whose career was effectively ended when korean giant hee-seop choi destroyed everything in his shoulder? the answer should be fairly obvious.'

when asked about nygma's riddle, rolen answered, 'it sounds like he's getting pretty lazy in his riddles. [laughs] it's unmistakable that he's talking about me. i would get angry, except that it's true. ever since i ran into hee-seop choi in may of 2005, my career has never been the same. i'm 6'4"/240 and essentially in the prime of my career, but i'll be lucky if i hit more than ten home runs this year. i mean, that's david eckstein territory.'

nygma's shame has become so strong that he says that he would rather face the minotaur than be in the same building as rolen. he has even gone so far as to say that arkham asylum sounds better than going to a blue jays game. 'he's left me box seats for his games before,' nygma says, 'but even the allure of free food isn't enough. and everyone who knows me know that i love me some free food. remember, though i'm a high-class criminal mastermind, i really don't have a fixed income to depend on.' rolen understands where his brother's frustration, but says, 'one day the tables will be turned, and i'll be the one who's ashamed of him. although i hope i don't have to wear his effeminate costume.'

movie forecast: you don't mess with the zohan

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

there are three things that everyone can expect in an adam sandler comedy: rob schneider, sophomoric humor, and a domestic gross of 100 million dollars. though it's debatable that adam sandler is the most bankable actor in movie history, there is no arguing that his movies are typically successful from a financial standpoint. an adam sandler comedy will gross over a 100 million dollars is quickly becoming one of life's axioms; and it usually doesn't matter how absurd the movie premises are.

speaking of absurd premises, don't mess with the zohan looks like it is no exception. supposedly adam sandler is an israeli special agent who comes to america to fulfill his dream as a hair stylist. apparently his abilities are other-worldly, as he is able to catch bullets and do push-ups without using his hands. at any rate, you don't mess with the zohan is able to be silly without being stupid, which is actually more difficult to do than it sounds.

prognosis : 7/10

shoot this horse already

big brown, this year's horse racing triple crown hopeful [and not a euphemism for a giant turd], needs to be shot.

well, not shot, but this injured hoof news story needs to go away. to clarify, i'm not saying that i prefer the horse to be shot, but rather with all the endless media coverage it seems as though big brown is suffering a far graver injury than a cracked hoof. i understand that there lies some significance in big brown's injury, but that doesn't mean there should be never-ending media attention about it. i don't care if big brown ran five furlongs in practice, and i'm certain a good majority of people don't either.

i suppose therein lies my biggest complaint: not many people really care about big brown's injury [or horse racing for that matter], but there is a disproportionate amount of time being devoted to that story. for example, let's say that big brown wins the belmont stakes and in the process the triple crown, i doubt most people would react much different than if he fails to do it. in fact, a more interesting horse race would be one between shannon sharpe and tori spelling. with that being said, a horse race lasting no more than three minutes [and that's being generous] should not receive the hours of media coverage during the week leading up to the event as well as hours on the day of the race.

giving the run around

contrary to popular belief, the song 'all for you' is not a blues traveler original. john popper may want us to believe this myth for royalties sake [the man needs to eat], but do not believe him or his harmonica [or his neck beard]. 'all for you' is indeed a song by sister hazel. with that being said, i can easily understand why some people make this innocent mistake. both bands share similar musical styles and their respective lead singers' voices sound fairly the same.

movie forecast: sex and the city

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

when i get caught in inescapable situations where i have to listen to a group of annoying women [or people] talk about their lives, it literally takes away my will to live. although i have never seen an episode of the sex and the city series, i imagine it's much like that. i also don't know why anyone who isn't a fan of the show would want to see this movie, so to a make one is a bit curious.

another disturbing aspect about this movie for those who will be dragged to see this movie [read: men] is its runtime of 148[!] minutes. there is no need for this. i have no idea what takes place in this movie that it needs to be two and a half hours. my best guess is that it is revenge for all those lengthy sports games that women feel they are forced to watch. as for the actual movie, i expect it to offer more of the same as the television series. [one final note: when the time comes for someone to play a witch in an upcoming movie, casting directors should look no further than sarah jessica parker. i can't stress enough how much she reminds me of one every time i see her in anything. i've always thought that she should be hired to play the lead in a sequel to hocus pocus if there were unconscionably one to be made. imagine my surprise when i just found out she actually was cast as a witch in the original hocus pocus.]

prognosis : 2/10

movie forecast: the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian [or TCONPC to nerdy fanboys], has been billed as being more violent than its predecessor, the chronicles or narnia: the lion, the witch and the wardrobe [or TCONTLTWATW], to the point that some parents have said that it is too violent. since prince caspian is rated pg, i must ask, how violent can this be? i doubt that this movie will show anything along the lines of severed limbs [unfortunately]. but in the case that it may be violent, it won't be to the point that it will quench anyone's blood lust. so let's not expect that prince caspian's level of gore to be anything unlike that of live action role playing [or LARP to those who love to play with fake swords on college quads everywhere].

aside from all the larping, the movie has the pevensie children returning to narnia one year later, only to discover that a thousand years has passed in narnia time. not only that, narnia has gone to pot. although most of the creatures that they knew are gone, the children do encounter some old friends, like the lion with an irish accent.¹ [i guess life expectancies of lions are higher in narnia for whatever reason. perhaps it is because there are no hyenas in narnia.] the children then ally themselves with the movie's namesake to capture the throne [or something]. in the end, there shouldn't be any surprises as to what will happen. it'll just be more of the same as the preceding edition. whether that's good or bad chiefly depends on previous impressions.

prognosis : 7/10

¹ similarly, the dragon in dragonheart has a scottish accent. it is a mystery as to how they gained such accents.

the hunter has become the hunted

there are some species of shark that are known to live up to a hundred years. unfortunately, for the james woods vehicle, shark, this will not be the case. on may 13th, 2008, cbs officially announced that shark would not be coming back for its third season, much to the dismay of its handful of fans. [personally i am not a fan, having only seen one episode.] when first being introduced by an avid follower to shark, it was described as a show where 'james woods is a successful defense attorney who becomes a prosecutor, so he knows all of the defense's dirty tricks. and his name sebastian stark, and that's why they call him shark!' well, if that doesn't draw anyone to watch the show, then i don't know what will. in the absence of watching james woods tough talk everyone on sunday nights this fall, i suppose i will surrender and give this sunday night football thing a try.