cover me badd

i've always thought that most music from the eighties can be remade into better songs today. [one instance would be no doubt's cover of the talk talk song, 'it's my life.'] the caveat to this theory is the band covering the song actually needs to have comparable or exceeding talent. one glaring example would be the used/my chemical romance cover of the queen/david bowie classic, 'under pressure.' i can't stress enough that neither of the bands covering the song have nowhere near the muscial talent of queen and/or david bowie. not surprisingly, it's one of the worst covers ever. anyway, a cover of michael jackson's 'beat it' by fall out boy featuring john mayer is one of the latest cases that, needless to say, falls well short of the original.



i'm sure fall out boy and john mayer thought it would be 'awesome' to cover this song, but i don't know what made them think that their interpretation could compete with michael jackson's version on a vocal level. furthermore, in the jackson version, eddie van halen plays the solo in the song; in the fall out boy adaptation, john mayer plays the solo. while i do think that john mayer is a better guitar player than he has shown in his songs, he's not on the same level as eddie van halen. the only reason why i think fall out boy released this cover is that they know that most of their fans are too young to know that this is even a cover song, which really is a shame.

separated at birth?

edward nygma, better known as the riddler or e. nygma, doesn't like to publicize that he and scott rolen are indeed related. in fact, he is downright embarrassed. 'riddle me this,' nygma begins, 'whose career was effectively ended when korean giant hee-seop choi destroyed everything in his shoulder? the answer should be fairly obvious.'

when asked about nygma's riddle, rolen answered, 'it sounds like he's getting pretty lazy in his riddles. [laughs] it's unmistakable that he's talking about me. i would get angry, except that it's true. ever since i ran into hee-seop choi in may of 2005, my career has never been the same. i'm 6'4"/240 and essentially in the prime of my career, but i'll be lucky if i hit more than ten home runs this year. i mean, that's david eckstein territory.'

nygma's shame has become so strong that he says that he would rather face the minotaur than be in the same building as rolen. he has even gone so far as to say that arkham asylum sounds better than going to a blue jays game. 'he's left me box seats for his games before,' nygma says, 'but even the allure of free food isn't enough. and everyone who knows me know that i love me some free food. remember, though i'm a high-class criminal mastermind, i really don't have a fixed income to depend on.' rolen understands where his brother's frustration, but says, 'one day the tables will be turned, and i'll be the one who's ashamed of him. although i hope i don't have to wear his effeminate costume.'

movie forecast: you don't mess with the zohan

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

there are three things that everyone can expect in an adam sandler comedy: rob schneider, sophomoric humor, and a domestic gross of 100 million dollars. though it's debatable that adam sandler is the most bankable actor in movie history, there is no arguing that his movies are typically successful from a financial standpoint. an adam sandler comedy will gross over a 100 million dollars is quickly becoming one of life's axioms; and it usually doesn't matter how absurd the movie premises are.

speaking of absurd premises, don't mess with the zohan looks like it is no exception. supposedly adam sandler is an israeli special agent who comes to america to fulfill his dream as a hair stylist. apparently his abilities are other-worldly, as he is able to catch bullets and do push-ups without using his hands. at any rate, you don't mess with the zohan is able to be silly without being stupid, which is actually more difficult to do than it sounds.

prognosis : 7/10

shoot this horse already

big brown, this year's horse racing triple crown hopeful [and not a euphemism for a giant turd], needs to be shot.

well, not shot, but this injured hoof news story needs to go away. to clarify, i'm not saying that i prefer the horse to be shot, but rather with all the endless media coverage it seems as though big brown is suffering a far graver injury than a cracked hoof. i understand that there lies some significance in big brown's injury, but that doesn't mean there should be never-ending media attention about it. i don't care if big brown ran five furlongs in practice, and i'm certain a good majority of people don't either.

i suppose therein lies my biggest complaint: not many people really care about big brown's injury [or horse racing for that matter], but there is a disproportionate amount of time being devoted to that story. for example, let's say that big brown wins the belmont stakes and in the process the triple crown, i doubt most people would react much different than if he fails to do it. in fact, a more interesting horse race would be one between shannon sharpe and tori spelling. with that being said, a horse race lasting no more than three minutes [and that's being generous] should not receive the hours of media coverage during the week leading up to the event as well as hours on the day of the race.

giving the run around

contrary to popular belief, the song 'all for you' is not a blues traveler original. john popper may want us to believe this myth for royalties sake [the man needs to eat], but do not believe him or his harmonica [or his neck beard]. 'all for you' is indeed a song by sister hazel. with that being said, i can easily understand why some people make this innocent mistake. both bands share similar musical styles and their respective lead singers' voices sound fairly the same.