nfl weekly predictions: super bowl xlii

ny giants vs new england

analysis : if when the patriots win the super bowl, their perfect season will be as tainted as if the penguins had won the stanley cup in the movie sudden death. for example, in the first game of the year, the patriots cheated by illegally videotaping their opponents. similarly in sudden death, the penguins unknowingly played a non-roster player in van damme as goalie for a sequence in the third period¹ of game 7 of stanley cup finals. both teams did not play by the rules. but anyway, as far as the actual game is concerned [and not the overwhelming amount of useless super bowl hype], the patriots should continue their offensive dominance against a team that nobody expects to win. with that being said, here's what the giants need to do to win: be able to sustain long offensive possessions, win 3rd downs on both sides of the ball, score points or provide exceptional field position via special teams, win the turnover battle by at least two and pressure tom brady on a consistent basis. call it a hunch, but that might be too tall an order for the giants. and although it looks like the tom coughlin-eli manning combination may not be as bad as i thought it was, it still pales in comparison to that of bill belichick and tom brady. also, it's still funny that in the 2008 nfc championship game, tom coughlin looked like he had overslept in a tanning bed. in the end, the patriots will be too much for the giants and cause don shula and mercury morris and the rest of the '72 miami dolphins to seek depression counseling now that their sole reason to live will have been taken away [though i do like that the '72 miami dolphins can't do their dumb champagne celebration after the final unbeaten team loses, it's just too bad that it had to because of this patriots team].

the pick : new england

¹ in the song 'nothing better' by the postal service, there is a lyric that goes 'like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter.' i've always had a problem with this line because i can't think of a sport with a goalie that divides a game in quarters. hockey [which i'm assuming is what ben gibbard was referencing] has three periods, rendering quarters an impossibility, and soccer has halves.

mascot of the day

the blue blob [xavier university]

happy martin luther king jr day

editor's note : click here for the full video clip. click here for the full text.

it's interesting to think that it wasn't too long ago that segregation was both legal and practiced. fortunately, people like martin luther king jr were able to lead the civil rights movement in a forward direction.

movie forecast: mad money

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

'killin' ain't fair/ but somebody gotta do it.'
~ 2pac ['hit 'em up']¹

while preparing to write a forecast of mad money, i thought about 2pac and what he said about killing: somebody's got to do it. while it isn't quite the same thing as murder, it may seem like it in the end. anyway, i probably saw the commercials for this movie a few times and the only thing that intrigues me is that ted danson's hair is really, really white. i mention this because i am trying to reconcile what happened and what is happening with his hair. for instance, in 1993 during one of the final 'cheers' episodes, ted danson removes a toupée to show that he is balding. then in 1996, ted danson returned to television to do a show called 'ink' where he was completely bald.² unfortunately for him and fortunately for us, the show was cancelled after a year. after taking a year off, ted danson returned again to television in 1998 to star in the immortal show, 'becker,' which turned out to be a show that no one ever knew when it was airing, but if people happened to come across one of its reruns when it came on tv, it would suck them into watching it. [and by people i'm referring to me and my friends.] but while on 'becker,' he somehow had his full head of hair back, which at first i questioned but soon accepted at the time for whatever reason. and it hadn't been an issue to me until recently, when i saw the commercials for mad money. seeing his white hair now has me wondering if he's wearing a toupée with white hair or if he had a hair transplants. if he had transplants, which is my guess, i'm curious whether the transplanted hair turned white, which i didn't know was possible, or whether he just dyed all of his hair white since his original hair on the sides started to turn white. with that being said, it's safe to say that i don't think i'll get a definite answer any time soon as to what exactly happened.

ANYWAY, from what i can surmise, mad money doesn't have to do much with ted danson or his hair. it's actually about three women [played by diane keaton, katie holmes and queen latifah] who are trying to steal a fair amount of money from the federal reserve. and judging by the commercials, they are successful and react like anyone else who illegally stole a great deal of money from the american government: they dump all of the money on their beds and roll around in it. i suppose an urgent getaway was not part of their masterful plan. at any rate, i don't expect much from this film, though it may provide clues as to why a man who was bald over ten years ago now has a full head of white hair.

prognosis : 5/10

¹ ironically, this song may have got 2pac killed. if curious about this song, be warned that it may be too graphic for some audiences. parental and listener discretion is advised.
² i personally didn't watch a single episode, but i recall seeing commercials where ted danson had the horseshoe. unfortunately, i am currently unable to find ocular proof of this. so maybe someone else on the show was bald, like mary steenburgen perhaps.

nfl weekly predictions: conference championships

san diego at new england

analysis : this party's over.

the pick : new england

ny giants at green bay

analysis : i have no idea how the giants' offense have been playing so well; perhaps rich rodriguez has been helping them by implementing new plays. as for this week's game, it's reported that the weather during this game will be sub-zero, which will be miserable for both teams no matter what the packers' players may say. much like peyton manning, eli does not fare well in the cold and will probably struggle in these conditions. furthermore, if the field is in the same sloppy conditions as it was last week, expect the giants' defensive front four to have difficulty applying a strong pass rush; they won't have the footing to get upfield. the packers' offense would then be able to establish both the passing and running game.

the pick : green bay

movie forecast: in the name of the king: a dungeon siege tale

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

after the success of snatch., the transporter and the italian job, i thought jason statham was on the rise to being a credible, quality actor who could carry a movie. judging by his recent releases since the italian job,¹ i must admit that i was wrong. it seems as though jason statham is actually a movie whore, selling his services to any studio with an offer, culminating the film in the name of the king: a dungeon siege tale.

speaking of this film, i'm confused as to why there are martial arts in the medieval times. i'm pretty sure that people back then just used spears or occasionally a rope tied between two trees, not ninjutsu. [by the way, is there a greater surprise than jason statham being a martial arts dynamo? i say no.] i suppose expectations shouldn't be that high since it is directed by none other than uwe boll, who has been at the helm of films such as house of the dead, alone in the dark and bloodrayne. those movies don't exactly make the greatest of résumé's or instill any confidence that in the name of the king: a dungeon siege tale will be at all decent.

prognosis : 3/10

¹ after the positive reception of the italian job, there were plans to quickly release a sequel [titled the brazilian job] to capitalize on its success. such a sequel would almost guarantee a financial bounty, but five years later, there are no solid plans for a future release.

nfl weekly predictions: divisional playoffs

seattle at green bay

analysis : the packers are a good team, but they haven't had any convincing wins this year. it seems as though that they weren't challenged in any of their victories, so it's hard to tell how good they are. on the other side, the seahawks do have a quality team, with their biggest susceptibility being a lack of focus. since this is the playoffs, i expect them to be able to concentrate on the matters at hand. in the end, the deciding factor will be the overall playoff experience for the seahawks compared to relative lack of experience for the packers [save for brett favre].

the pick : seattle

jacksonville at new england

analysis : the real reason why people are picking the jaguars to win this game is because they want the jaguars to win this game. yes, the jaguars do have a good running game, and they have a good defense, but the patriots are simply the superior team. against the jaguars, the patriots' offense will be able to do anything they want against the jaguars, and on defense, all they have to do is keep the jaguars' offense in check. while david garrard has had a good season, i expect him to struggle against the patriots defense. and even though he has only thrown three regular season interceptions, i predict that garrard will throw multiple interceptions in this game.

the pick : new england

san diego at indianapolis

analysis : in their regular season meeting, the chargers needed six peyton manning interceptions, a missed 29 field goal by future hall-of-famer adam vinatieri AND two kick return touchdowns just to beat the colts by two points in san diego. that game was also played in bad weather, which is significant since peyton manning is notorious for playing poorly in unfavorable conditions. this week's playoff game will be in the rca dome, which will protect peyton manning from the climate. i expect the colts to easily handle the chargers on both offense and defense.

the pick : indianapolis

ny giants at dallas

analysis : it seems as though that only people in the media believe that the tony romo-jessica simpson 'saga' will distract the cowboys this week; the players and the fans are the ones who are able to keep things in perspective. for me, the more interesting part of the mexican vacation¹ is the presence of jason witten. seriously, what was he doing there? i seriously doubt tony romo invited jason witten to come with him on a weekend getaway with jessica simpson. jason witten must have never been to mexico and when tony romo let it slip out that he was going, he didn't have the heart to not let witten come with him. anyway, the cowboys will be looking to beat the giants for the third time this year, which experts say is difficult to do. but i ask, why? what exactly is the rationale? any advantage that the losing team may gain from the previous two games, the winning team can gain as well. will the losing team be more motivated? i think not. as for the game, the cowboys have been able to exploit the giants secondary and the giants have had difficulty slowing the cowboys early. i'm still not sold on eli manning being a successful playoff quarterback; i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop on the tom coughlin-eli manning combination.

the pick : dallas

¹ surpisingly, this is yet a national lampoon's movie. if and when it is made, i'm sure chevy chase will be available.

separated at birth?

while watching a steelers game earlier this year, omar epps did not know if he was watching some crappy movie he made or an actual football game. he recalls, 'i remember making a baseball movie, basketball movie, and even a boxing movie, but i didn't think that i had made a football one.' after being told that it was actually mike tomlin, and that he is his brother, epps felt embarrassed, and a little ashamed. 'i remember some guy named mike would always call and email me,' epps said, 'but i thought he was some crazy fan. i mean, with high profile roles like phil stevens and lincoln hayes, people just come out of the woodwork. i honestly didn't know that we were actually related.'

it seems as though mike tomlin would have held a grudge against his brother for ignoring him, but he has been forgiving. 'yeah, omar texted me and said that he was sorry,' tomlin said, 'and he joked that now that i'm famous, he could associate himself with me. [laughs heartily] at least, i think he was joking.' tomlin was also asked if he is impressed with epps' acting as dr. eric foreman on the show house, md. he said, 'yeah, i guess he does a good job, but to me, nothing will ever come close to his performance as willie 'mays' hayes. he made me believe that he really was wesley snipes.'

movie forecast: one missed call

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

when a movie is released in december [especially if it is a limited release], sometimes it means that the studio is releasing that movie just so it's elgible for the oscar consideration of that year. but when a movie is released the first weekend of the new year, well, let's just say it's not a good sign. one of the first movies to officially be released in the 2008 year is one missed call, which makes sense since it will never be mistaken as being oscar-worthy [except for maybe the critics who gave the bucket list a good review].

along with the progression of technology comes with it the annoying trend of movies whose premises include some sort of new advancement. since cellular phones are pretty much widespread, it makes sense to make a horror movie about how it can all go wrong, right? wrong. a movie about how cell phones are supernaturally malevolent just cannot genuinely strike fear in an audience. in the end, one missed call will be nothing more than a movie about evil cell phones that will have few cheap thrills, and nothing more. [one interesting note about one missed call is that it co-stars ed burns. seriously, where has this guy been? his disappearance is almost as intriguing as dana carvey's.]

prognosis : 4/10

nfl weekly predictions: wild card round

washington at seattle

analysis : the redskins are 4-0 since todd collins has become their quarterback [including the game against the bears where he entered with the scoreless], which arguably kept joe gibbs as their coach for at least another year. clinton portis also played well late in the season and looks like the player he was before a stupid 2006 preseason shoulder injury.¹ though the redskins are playing inspired football, they do not have the talent to beat the seahawks in seattle. they have holes at linebacker, which will be exploited by the designed short passes out of the west coast offensive system. save for santana moss [who is probably better at running track than catching a football], they have little speed on offense, especially in contrast to the seahawks' defense.

the pick : seattle

jacksonville at pittsburgh

analysis : the jaguars have already beatdown the steelers in heinz field just three weeks ago, so it follows that they shouldn't have any problems with the steelers this time around. with that being said, the biggest difference will be that overall, the steelers players have more playoff experience. as for their coach, mike tomlin, it will be his first playoff game, so in a way it cancels out each other. on the other hand, the jaguars have fallen short in recent playoff games, but this season they have a quarterback in david garrard who doesn't make too many mistakes, and a defense that is both physical and fast.

the pick : jacksonville

ny giants at tampa bay

analysis : the tom coughlin-eli manning combo is essentially the antithesis of the bill belichick-tom brady combo, which is a bad sign for the giants and its fans. i can already see tom coughlin with an exasperated look on after eli throws a back-breaking interception in the red zone. the biggest obstacle for the buccaneers will be moving the ball on offense, where their playbook basically consist of short passes, one yard runs by earnest graham and the occasional bomb to joey galloway. not really what you'd expect from a jon gruden, a so-called 'offensive genius.' fortunately for the buccaneers, the giants have a penchant of playing poorly late in games and ultimately that will result in multiple confused looks on the faces of tom coughlin and eli manning.

the pick : tampa bay

tennessee at san diego

analysis : the titans do not have many advantages over the chargers, except for the distinct superiority at head coach. jeff fisher is an experienced [and more importantly, successful] coach, as opposed to norv turner, who is one bad season away from working at a bed-and-breakfast for the rest of his life [or until al davis calls and offers him a coaching job]. the chargers will be playing at home, where they have had a good record in recent years. as for the titans, they have already lost to the chargers in tennessee this year, although the chargers were fortunate to win that game. it also seems as though the titans' staff would rather start kerry collins after his performance last week, but are afraid because of what of the naacp may do to them if they don't start vince young. i wouldn't be surprised if the titans start vince young, but after he and the titans struggle, he comes out after 're-aggravating' his injury. kerry collins then enters the game, only to struggle just as much.

the pick : san diego

¹ not only did portis' injury occur in the preseason, it happened as he tackled a defensive player who had just intercepted a pass. this injury caused portis to miss many games and play injured for most of the 2006 season. more notably, because of this injury many fantasy football seasons were derailed as he was a solid first round pick.