u-s-a!! u-s-a!! u-s-a!!

VETERANS DAY, to say the least, is one day where america collectively celebrates and recognizes those who serve and have served in the military; it is a day to celebrate patriotism. and when i think of patriotism, i think of a man who [arguably] popularized the 'u-s-a!' chant more than anyone in american history. yes, i think of 'hacksaw' jim duggan.

for those who are unfamiliar with who 'hacksaw' jim duggan is, he is a professional¹ wrestler who has had the same [some would say tired²] gimmick of coming into the ring waving an american flag the size of texas while starting or perpetuating the 'u-s-a!' chant [and intermittently yelling things like 'hooo!!']. by no means was he a great wrestler, but his significance transcended his sport [or 'sport']. without him, crowds everywhere who love america and 2x4's may not know what to chant to show their patriotism. so today, i thank those who have served in the american military, both past and present. i thank the same people for their sacrifices and the sacrifices of their families. and last, but certainly not least, i thank you, 'hacksaw' jim duggan.

¹ the term 'professional' is used loosely, considering the it was 'not necessarily real.'
² i know, how dare i.

movie forecast: zombieland

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

though it is probably a common mistake, i thought zombieland's lead actor jesse eisenberg was michael cera each time i saw commercials for it. not only because he bares a resemblance to michael cera, but he also does the same michael cera routine, only he doesn't seem to do it as well as cera. i'm sure both actors are aware of each other and the situation, though i don't know if either of them would like to acknowledge it. i can only imagine how awkward it would be if they were trapped in an elevator together. jesse eisenberg should know that there's only one person like michael cera, and that's woody allen.

at any rate, zombieland looks like a film that relies heavily on humor and gore, much like shaun of the dead. whether or not that formula translates well into a version without british accents remains to be seen. with most of today's horror films lacking originality and legitimate scares, zombieland's decision to incorporate humor may be the best option to infuse life into a somewhat dead genre.

prognosis : 7/10

movie forecast: the ugly truth

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at first, i thought this movie was a continuation of the nbc tv hit, the naked truth, with katherine heigl reprising téa leoni's role of nora wilde. imagine my surprise when i learned that no such plans of making a the naked truth movie were in the works and that this is actually an original film. alongside katherine heigl in this so-called romantic comedy is gerald butler, who looks out of place when is wearing normal clothing instead of a loin cloth. i wonder if this has ever happened, where an actor is more believable and recognizable when he is wearing a hand towel around his waist.

as far as the actual movie is concerned, i don't know if it has anything to offer than a formulaic plot about a career woman in heigl who is taught lessons about enjoying life by a lothario in butler, who is of course taught lessons in fidelity by heigl. to hope that there are insightful moments of clarity about the nature of relationships seems to be a bit of a pipe dream, but judging by the commercials, even moments of comedy also seem to be few and far between.

prognosis : 3/10

movie forecast: knowing

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different nicolas cage movie, same terrible nicolas cage hairstyle. i have no idea why he insists on keeping his balding mullet, as if it were some badge of honor for middle-aged men everywhere. all i can say to nicolas cage is that his time to have long, flowing hair has pass. you're too old, let go, it's over. he needs give up on this dream, and basically take to kobe bryant's example of shaving his afro once he realized he couldn't maintain it with his receding hairline. i have no idea how no one in nicolas cage's circle has told him that he looks downright silly and is embarrassing himself with the look that he's cultivating. i'm starting to think that he has some crazy bet with drew gooden or deshawn stevenson about who can have the worst look ever.

as for the nicolas cage movie, knowing, it appears to be about a mathematician who is able to predict natural disasters based on a series of mysterious numbers. if this premise sounds familiar, it is most likely because it is similar to a previous film, the 2007 nicolas cage movie, next, which is about a magician who is able to predict two minutes into the future. i can understand why nicolas cage would want to remake one of his previous movies so that he could capitalize on his past successes, but i don't understand why he would choose to remake next instead of remaking something like the blockbuster national treasure: book of secrets or the thought-provoking ghost rider. [i am fairly certain a remake, not to be mistaken for a sequel, of national treasure: book of secrets with different actors surrounding nicolas cage in a different setting would fair better than any remake of next.] perhaps he is simply determined that this movie concept needs to be made until it is successful and will not stop until it does. i wouldn't be surprised that at this point in his career there is nothing that matters more to him and that he will remain stubborn about it. nothing, except for maybe keeping his mullet.

prognosis : 5/10