18 February 2008

happy president's day

on a side note, i've always wondered if washington and lincoln would resent celebrating both their birthdays on the same day. it's like when parents celebrate two of their kids' birthdays on the same day so they can save on gifts. is the american government that lame? on another side note, i strongly encourage that this image be printed and then colored. i am certain they would appreciate the pigment.

15 February 2008

movie forecast: jumper

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

my first and subsequently, most lasting impression of jumper is that it seemed like a movie that was specifically made for emo kids. when i found out that it was being released on valentine's day, i could only imagine the rejoicing of emo couples everywhere. i have no reason to think this except that this movie seems to be conglomeration of all things extremely trendy. that, and i can see all of its characters shopping at hot topic, especially hayden christensen.

i do wonder why samuel l. jackson chose to dye his hair blonde. my only conclusion is that he wanted to look like eve. as for the movie, the only thing that i know is that there are people who can transport their bodies, but they don't like that other people can also do it, so they fight each other. basically it's as if nightcrawler cloned himself several times and the resulting clones had disputes that can only be settled by murder. i'm not sure if that's something that i want to see. but then again, i wear pants that actually fit.

prognosis : 5/10

13 February 2008

top 10 candy bars

10. fundamentally, 3 musketeers is a milky way without the caramel, and milky way is a snickers without the peanuts. it's basically the middle class candy bar.

9. i don't care what anybody says, this tastes way better than a krackel.



8. it's a good thing they separate the wafers, because i don't think anyone wants to eat a giant wafer at once.



7. the tim tam slam is the best thing on this list. and although they're still good, they aren't the same without the hot chocolate.

6. i'm pretty sure i remember a soccer player eating snickers to help him train. i don't know whether snickers helps or that he was just the dumbest soccer player ever.

5. i think the main reason twix comes in two bars is to appeal to parents who have trouble dividing candy among their two children evenly. otherwise, i see no other reason.

4. how do i eat a reese's peanut butter cup? like a normal human being, not like some weirdo.



3. the only way that i can justify m&m's on a this list is that it is chocolate, it's sold where all these other candy bars are sold and it tastes like a candy bar. anyway, i would these even they talked and had legs.


2. this is the densest candy bar ever. what i mean is that it felt like i ate an entire meal after eating just one. without a doubt, its density is the most impressive thing i've ever experienced.

1. the 100 grand bar includes three of my favorite things in confectionery: chocolate, caramel and crisped rice. simply put, it's delicious.

12 February 2008

separated at birth?



after suffering a knee injury that would need about two months to recover, lakers center andrew bynum approached management to have his brother, actor tracy morgan, play in his place. bynum is on record saying, 'tracy may not be funny, and he may not know when to keep his shirt on, but he's one heck of a baller.' while some of the lakers' brass were tempted, they ultimately declined. phil jackson, not among those who considered morgan at the pivot in the triangle offense, was doubtful of his skills. the zen master wondered aloud why they would need tracy morgan to pretend he was andrew bynum when they could play someone else like the congolese basketball great, dj mbenga. 'i don't know what that would have accomplished,' jackson lamented. 'save for isiah thomas and entire atlanta hawks organization, i don't think anyone would be fooled considering the substantial foot and a half height difference.

though andrew bynum is the professional athlete of the two, tracy morgan purports that he is in fact stronger than his sibling. for proof, he says to look no further than andrew's smooth muscles. when told about morgan's comments, bynum replied, 'i don't know what's more shocking, that tracy would make such a claim, or that a show that has him in it won an emmy for outstanding comedy series, or that there exists a saturday night live: best of tracy morgan dvd. seriously, that thing can't be more than twenty minutes. ... i'd challenge him to any sport, any time, but since he has to wear some ankle bracelet, he really can't go anywhere. and even though i know i'm stronger, i can't dispute that i have smooth muscles.'

finally, in a related story, kobe bryant has stated that he wasn't trash-talking andrew bynum in a random parking lot last summer, but trash-talking tracy morgan's performance in little man. 'people confuse those two all the time,' kobe said, 'and i'm certain that's what i did then.' kobe went as far as to say that tracy's acting put the wayans brothers1 to shame. the wayan brothers were not available for comment.

1 how come when refering to the wayan brothers, it only refers to shawn and marlon. doesn't damon and keenan ivory feel slighted when this happens?

11 February 2008

ice in their veins

hockey may be a dead sport in the eyes of many americans, but there is one thing that cannot be disputed about its players: they are tough cats [but not literal cats].1 in a panthers-sabres game on february 10, 2008, florida defenseman richard zednik took a ice skate to the throat, slicing open a one and a half inch wide and a one and a half inch deep cut in his neck, leaving his carotid artery 'hanging by a thread.'



after suffering that life-threatening of an injury to the neck, most people would probably fallen over like a sack of potatoes in a matter of seconds and proceed to lay there until help arrived. but not richard zednik, and i imagine not many [or more accurately, everyone except paul kariya2] hockey players would have either. remember, these are the same people who love to bare-knuckle fist-fight while on ice skates. perhaps hockey players don't suffer as serious of injuries as other players in other sports [hard to imagine given all the physical contact], but rarely do hockey players stay on the ice writhing in pain as they clutch their injured body part. but such a scene is all too common in football and basketball [see dwyane wade3], and even in baseball it occurs more frequently. but with everything, there are exceptions to the rule, and the following shows what it takes to keep a hockey player on the ground.

editor's note: the following clip may be too graphic for some people. parental and viewer discretion is advised.



1 literally, the toughest species of cat would be the saber-toothed tiger, while the toughest individual cat would be heathcliff.
2 it's worth mentioning that when paul kariya finally got to his feet, he scored a goal later in the contest as the mighty ducks of anaheim took game 6 of the 2003 stanley cup finals. the lesson as always, scott stevens is a douche.
3 i will never understand why dwyane wade needed a wheelchair after suffering a shoulder injury. i'm pretty sure he doesn't need it to walk.

08 February 2008

movie forecast: welcome home roscoe jenkins

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

martin lawrence is one of those actors whose movies aren't really worth paying full price to watch in a theatre, but whose movies can be viewed multiple times on television, and sometimes dvd [or vhs if living in east tennessee]. for example, i watch blue streak almost every time i come across it on tv [and by tv, i mean tnt]. i'm just looking forward to the time when wild hogs hits the rotation. on another note, it's funny how it wasn't too long ago that martin lawrence was acting like a crazy man, like the time when waving a gun in the streets after being taking the police on a high speed chase. now, one of his upcoming movies, college road trip, is a g rated family film. if he makes more movies like that one, he'll be on the same career path as eddie murphy and, heaven forbid, ice cube.

as for welcome home roscoe jenkins, the movie has a good cast with established actors, including james earl jones, who reportedly declined the sequel to gone fishin' to make this movie. this is interesting because james earl jones really hasn't acted in a movie [he's done plenty of voice work] in a long time, so it makes little sense why he would pick to do this movie. anyway, from the trailers, it looks like there will be a lot of mo'nique in this movie. i didn't think that it was possible to have more of her, but they've done it somehow. [i also find it hard to believe that martin lawrence would get beat up by mo'nique since martin was a golden gloves contender. i am certain this would never happen.] welcome home roscoe jenkins also has cedric the entertainer, so buyer beware. he hasn't been funny in most of his movies; he's clearly underachieving because i know he can funny, i guess it doesn't translate onto the screen, or at least hopefully it's that. ulimately, martin lawrence and this supporting cast will make this an entertaining movie that will be good for a few laughs.

prognosis : 7/10

07 February 2008

happy chinese new year


here's to welcoming in the year of the rat.

06 February 2008

the setting suns

on february 6, 2008, the suns and the heat[s] agreed to a trade where shaquille o'neal would go to phoenix in exchange for shawn marion and marcus banks. shaq is scheduled to receive roughly $40 million over the next two years [not including the current '07-'08 season] while marion can opt out of his final year of his contract after this season.

for a variety of reasons, the phoenix suns decided to move in a different direction with their team. by trading shawn marion and throw-in marcus banks for shaquille o'neal, they lose a player who can play multiple positions, shoot the three [although it's hard to tell if he's taking a jump shot or making a chest pass] and finish on a fast break; however, the suns gain a player who has won four championships, commands double teams and protect the paint on defense. while this may seem as a bad trade for the suns considering shaq does not fit into the offense as well as marion does, i can see this move working out for both teams.

this transaction will benefit the heat mostly because they are able to shed the albatross that is shaquille o'neal's salary. in exchange they receive what essentially is the equivalent of an expiring contract in shawn marion [assuming he opts out]. not only that, shawn marion is one of most versatile and durable players in the league. the heat are also getting a happier marion now that he will also be the second option on offense and actually have plays run for him, as opposed to rarely having any plays run him in phoenix. furthermore, at their respective points in their careers, marion seems to be the better player.

the only reason that i think that this trade may hurt the heat is if it alienates dwyane wade. it's been well documented that shaq and wade were good friends and in a recent interview after the trade was announced, wade was noticeably saddened by the news [though that can be attributed to the shock]. in the end, wade's reaction in no way guarantees that he will leave once his contract expires, but the heat should be wary. if the heat don't improve their roster and start winning again, i can't see him signing another contract for them.

as for suns, they already have been much maligned by the fans and the media alike for this move. suns' management have been more optimistic, and so they should be. for example, the suns have not been able to reach the finals with marion, with a main reason being that they were unable to get defensive stops down the stretch. as good a defender as marion is, he couldn't defend the elite power fowards and centers. in fact, in the first round of the 2006 playoffs against the lakers, marion couldn't even guard lamar odom or kwame brown. i don't even need to say how bad that is. additionally, once the game's tempo slowed down in the playoffs, they had trouble generating a reliable half court offense and/or maintaining a lead since they had to deviate from their running style to bleed the clock. the addition of shaq should alleviate both of those problems as their frontcourt will be bigger with amare stoudemire moving to the power forward position and having someone who is comfortable in a conventional half-court offense.

another criticism of the trade is shaq not being the same player that he used to be. true, he can't score or move as he once was able, but phoenix doesn't need his scoring as much as they need his interior defense and presence in the paint, something that marion couldn't offer. moreover, there is no excuse why they suns won't be able to run with shaq in the lineup. even if shaq can't keep the same pace, the suns have already proved that they don't need each player to run to maintain their running style with how they used kurt thomas when he was on the court.

some have said that this move was unnecessary since they had the best record in the western conference at the time of the trade. but their record was misleading; their impressive winning percentage comes from their 20-2 record against the east, compared with their 14-13 record against the west. the suns' reaction to the lakers acquisition of pau gasol was to trade for shaq, and though it may have seemed imprudent [especially since they had the better record], it does not mean it was foolish. the suns knew that they wouldn't be able to get through the playoffs with marion, and now they match up better with the lakers than any other western conference contender, including the spurs.

probably the biggest improvement in the suns acquiring shaq can be seen in the demeanors of their players. both steve nash and amare stoudemire crowed about how shaq's personality will help the team in the locker room. when shawn marion asked to be be traded this past off-season and said that he didn't want to be the third banana in phoenix anymore, it hurt the chemistry of the team, no matter what the suns' record and marion's stats may suggest. also, there were whispers that marion and stoudemire didn't get along, in contrast to shaq and amare quoted as being good friends. the suns seem to be happier with this trade, which in itself is worth much more than people realize.

in the end, the benefits listed of trading for shaq are contingent on his health. but it was a risk that they needed to take; the window for a championship is closing fast with nash not having too many years ahead of him. if they have a healthy shaq, they have a better chance in the playoffs than they did with marion, but then again, that's one big 'if.'

04 February 2008

the rich get richer and the poor get dumber

on february 1, 2008, the lakers received pau gasol and a 2010 second round pick from the grizzlies for kwame brown, jarvaris crittendon, aaron mckie, the rights to marc gasol, a 2008 first round pick and a 2010 first round pick.

in the recent trade with the grizzlies, the lakers were able to obtain a highly productive and highly talented player in pau gasol without sacrificing anyone in their regular rotation except for kwame brown. in essence, the lakers replaced kwame brown's spot in the rotation with pau gasol. if that isn't an upgrade, then i don't know what is. when healthy, the lakers starting five consist of derek fisher, kobe bryant, lamar odom, pau gasol and andrew bynum. in addition, they were able to keep their deep and effective bench intact, with includes jordan farmar, sasha vujacic,1 luke walton, vladimir radmanovic, trevor ariza and ronny turiaf. such a lineup will provide versatility and depth that can match almost any playing style that the lakers may encounter.

with that being said, the addition of pau gasol does not automatically make the lakers the favorite to win the nba finals like many experts believe [the spurs should still be the favorite]. for example, no one knows how well gasol will fit with the lakers, and there may be rotation issues when andrew bynum returns from his injury. with gasol and bynum playing the power forward and center positions, respectively, lamar odom moves to small forward, where he may not be as comfortable. odom will be moved to the perimeter to space the offense, and he will be asked to guard smaller and quicker players on defense. but there is an advantage of odom playing small forward. he will have a considerable size advantage on the offensive end, where he should be able to garner his fair share of offensive rebounds. in the end, i do expect odom to play better with the pressure of being the second best player on the team being lifted.

while some may view the acquisition of kwame brown as helping the grizzlies in terms of clearing cap space for this off-season, it also benefits the lakers as well. while the grizzlies will have approximately $17 million to spend in free agency after this season, kwame brown's expiring contract would not have helped the lakers as much. though the lakers would have taken kwame's contract off the books, the money freed up still wouldn't have allowed the lakers to land a free agent that would be the same caliber as pau gasol. basically, the grizzlies helped the lakers with kwame brown's expiring contract as much as they helped themselves.

this questionable trade for grizzlies becomes even more so when considering the trading for rookie point guard javarvis crittendon. i understand that he has value since he may develop into a good player, but the grizzlies already have two young point guards in mike conley jr and kyle lowry [both of whom were high lottery picks]. not only that, the grizzlies rarely play conley and lowry at the same time; so crittendon, as a third string point guard, won't get much playing time. now, having crittendon as a team's young third string point guard only makes sense if there is an aging poing guard ahead of him that he would allow him to move up in the depth chart once he leaves/retires, but that isn't the case with the grizzlies. hopefully memphis general manager chris wallace has a plan to trade one of the young point guards, otherwise it will be a logjam at that position. furthermore, with the emergence of jordan farmar as a quality backup point guard, jarvaris crittendon became expendable, which made it easier for the lakers to trade him.

so other than kwame brown's expiring contract and jarvaris crittendon, what else did the grizzlies get in trading arguably the best player in their franchise's history? by the looks of things, not much. true, the grizzlies did receive two first round picks from the lakers, but realize that these two first round picks will at best be in the late teens [but more likely, these two first round picks will be in the twenties]. i still wonder when teams will learn that low draft picks are not that valuable based on the fact that most of the previous ones have not had that much impact in the league. the last remaining piece of the trade is the grizzlies gaining the rights to marc gasol [yes, he and pau gasol are siblings]. some scouts say that he may develop into a player like his brother, but at this point no one really knows.

in conclusion, the lakers obviously became title contenders with the trade for pau gasol since they didn't really didn't give anything that great of value to get him. the grizzlies look like they got the short end of the deal, and this trade raises the question of what the other offers were for pau gasol since their asking price wasn't that much. the lakers now have a bigger and stronger frontcourt, while the grizzlies only have the hope that this trade will expedite the rebuilding process. i'm sure chris wallace believes that this trade will help build a championship contender; unfortunately for grizzlies, it looks like he's building it in los angeles.

1 much like pau gasol, sasha vujacic instantly became a better player when he decided to grow a beard and grow his hair out. i can't stress it enough that this is what all struggling or fringe players should do to help their careers. i call this 'the samson effect.'

01 February 2008

movie forecast: strange wilderness

editor's note: for a detailed explanation of a movie forecast, click here

i must admit that the main reason that i would see this movie is the laughing shark. i've seen it about ten times already and it hasn't gotten any less funny. the only thing is that i hope that this scene is actually in the movie. i say this because sometimes not all things in a movie trailer is found in the actual film. one example that comes to mind is wild hogs. in the trailer, william h. macy says something along the lines of only being able to think black jokes when first meeting marisa tomei. martin lawrence responds by saying, 'please, do tell.' but when that scene comes in the movie, martin lawrence says something entirely different. suffice to say, it was disappointing to not see it after much anticipation. another example would be the use of the del amitri song 'roll to me' in the flipper trailer. but that song was no where to be found in the actual film [and i use the word 'film' loosely]. i do remember that this caused an uproar on del amitri message boards everywhere, which is what would happen if the laughing shark is missing from strange wilderness.

as for the movie, i have very little idea as to what the plot of this movie is. and i don't really care. this movie does have a good comedic cast, prominently steve zahn, justin long and... i actually can't remember who else is in this movie. i will say that i'm glad to see that justin long has decided to do something besides doing mac commercials. he's probably more well-known for those spots than being in movies, which is a shame really. at any rate, i expect strange wilderness to be funnier and more entertaining than the majority of comedies, but it won't be anything groundbreaking.

prognosis : 7/10